Gaslight Your Way Into a Relationship #4
Bi-weekly relationship advice
Hello, you.
Let’s start small.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is the (often extreme) psychological manipulation to make someone question their own sanity and perception of things, essentially coercing them into changing their perception to benefit you and your personal agenda.
But who says you need to gaslight someone else..?
Sharks, today I want to pitch to you my product - Gaslighting Yourself.
[please excuse the 144p quality of this GIF, I’m just a girl]
What’s this got to do with getting into a relationship?
Well Sharks, sometimes its not them that’s the problem, it really is you. My number 1 piece of advice? Get rejected, it’s awesome.
First, lets start with the distribution principle (I made this up):
In order to increase your chances of success, it makes sense to put yourself in a lot of situations with a chance of success. With a clean slate and lack of bias, most social interactions have a 50% success rate. They also have a 50% fail rate. But if the odds are in your favour, your chance for success increases to lets say 60%. Before we move onto point 2, lets repeat this together:
“I cannot expect to get into a relationship if I don’t put myself into a situation with a chance for success”
Deep. I know. But what does it actually mean?
It means you need to try, buddy. Sitting in your room hoping things will happen to you isn’t going to cut it. And there are going to be so many instances where you try to talk to people, try to ask them out, try to make a move. And they say no. They slam you with rejection. And they knock you down, hard. :(
But the fact that you even tried? Incredible. :)
You put yourself into a situation and unfortunately, the odds weren’t in your favour. And that’s okay because just getting yourself into the situation is step 1.
Second, we need to accept that you are the problem (RIP):
Why are you getting rejected? Do you just suck? Lmao, no sweetie. Probably, idk I don’t know you.
Picture this, you are a swimmer, the Michael Phelps of our generation. You watch these videos on how to become the best athlete and they’re all about Usain Bolt and how he’s the best athlete. You want that. So you take up running.
You follow Bolt’s training plans and diets. You eat, sleep, and breath like him. You are literally Usain Bolt Jnr.
And you lose every race. Dead last. You don’t even qualify for the participation award, that’s how badly you ran. Its like watching a straight man trying to flirt with a lesbian, clearly not going to work champ.
Let’s rewind and find the solution. You are a swimmer, the Michael Phelps of our generation. Why are you trying to run on land? Don’t be dumb, get back in the pool.
When you’re swimming, you’re winning, its easy pickings. You are in the right race and the odds are in your favour. The takeaway? Putting yourself in a situation is good, but you need to put yourself in a situation that works for you. If you’re feeling more comfortable and confident, it will show. And if you’re not? Fake it ;).
Your chance of success has now increased to 70%.
Third, take the L:
Sometimes, for reasons beyond our confidence and control, things just won’t work. There are no logical reasons or justifiable conclusions. No is just no and you’ve lost this race.
Don’t internalise it.
Every failed talking stage is a chance to reflect on what worked and what didn’t. Did you cross the line too soon? Were you too pushy with your intentions? Were you too slow to make a move? Did you misinterpret something?
Learn from it. It happens. This person? They’re not the love of your life, maybe the conversation of your life but definately not the love of your life. You were fine before them, you’ll be fine after them.
Take the L, learn a lesson, try again.
If you don’t? That’s on you. You’re not bad at talking or flirtling or romacing. You’re just bad at trying. Don’t be dumb, get back in the pool.
Moral of the story, gaslight yourself into putting yourself out there. Gaslight yourself into feeling more confident. Gaslight yourself into being a better person and handle rejection.
What is Gaslighting Yourself if not the Self Love we made along the way?
[I hope you understand my refrences or else you are missing out on a lot of funny one-liners]
Thank you for reading this far.
This is Ray, signing out.
My favourtie quote of all time:
Fake it till you make it.
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[yes, I am using emotional blackmail which will be covered soon]
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